So Lets Get Real...

Hi guys, so today I decided that we needed to get real for a bit. This wasn't the type of post I wanted to post on my blog but this is meant to be my personal stuff and my life so I decided that I had to share this. So like I said in my last post I have gone away for a bit, by this I meant I've left my home town, not for long, just a week or so. The purpose which most people think is not for a holiday but is for what I'm going to share with you now.


Since I was diagnosed with bipolar, schizophrenia and depression I have completely lost myself in my opinion. Hearing those words still really confuses me because I now realise that these problems have been there my whole life and I thought they were just normal things that everyone gets. This is so hard to explain so I'll just give you some examples. When I get upset no matter what it be that's hurt me, it can be physical or emotional. I don't just cry but I scream, I really cry hysterically until I cannot talk or anything. I honestly thought this was a normal thing, that I was just a dramatic person and I know now that I was so silly thinking that. Another thing is that I see things. I can be stood in the kitchen making a sandwich or something and I will see like an arm or a shadow of a person behind me when there is nothing there, if I see shadows that look scary to me I will get so scared to the point where I want to run away. I also thought this was just normal because this is something that I've dealt with all my life and all children get scared of shadows, don't they? So I just never told anyone. When I was very young, maybe 5? According to my mum I used to stand and talk to 'the man in the corner' as I called it and I know this all sounds crazy, especially this but too this day I know what he looks like, this imaginary person that I used to talk to when I was five is embedded in my head and that scares me. My last example is that when I was around 7 I started to hear voices when I was lying in bed at night and they would tell me things. Once again, as a 7 year old I didn't think anything of it, I would just shout at them to go away and they did.


So lets talk about the past year up to present day. I started to hear voices again but this time they wouldn't go away and of course this time they were telling me more serious things and I've never considered myself a very angry person but these things that were happening to me were making me want to destroy things and making me feel very uncomfortable around people. This was happening to the point where even if Alex just pocked me, I wanted to just hurt him until he couldn't touch me anymore. Just interrupting myself but I have never gave into myself and actually hurt him, I have always found it in me to stop myself from hurting anything or anyone. Obviously for a relationship this was very hard, a few weeks later I started to get very paranoid about him which once again really effected us, I got to the point where I was so paranoid about him cheating on me that I went through his phone, searching every app, every possible place he could of been talking to someone and unfortunately he was. This destroyed me for weeks obviously but it hurt me a lot more that it would a normal person. I would spend hours just lying in bed staring at nothing, I didn't want to talk to anyone, I couldn't even look at my own daughter without wanting to cry. Thankfully I finally got some closure when I spoke to this person and she explained what had gone one and it turned out I had worked myself up so much for nothing but because I had done this to him, it left us in a difficult place to this day. I don't really know what I'm doing or what he wants so this is why I'm taking this time away to try and clear my head and sort myself out because I want things with Alex to be how they were when we got together 2 years ago.


So guys I'm really sorry for this boring post but I just needed to share this, not only for myself but for people with similar issues, you are not alone.

                                                            Kira xx

Clothing + Home Haul!!

Hi guys, so today I'm going to be sharing with you a few items that I've  bought over the past week or so for myself. Please excuse the photos, the lighting in them is so bad and this is due to me having to take them in the dark. However I will link all items so you can check them out properly, so lets get started.

So the first item is this amazing pug cushion. I've seen so many bloggers and vloggers buying these lately from Primark however I don't go to Primark often as there isn't one near me. This cushion however is from Tesco, yes I said Tesco. I've never ever thought to look in Tesco for home stuff before but I was so happy with the stuff I got from there.

Price- £6
Link- http://www.tesco.com/direct/novelty-pug-face-cushion/737-6587.prd?pageLevel=&skuId=737-6587

This next item is as you can see from the photo almost empty. I know you probably thinking ' what?she said she only bought these items the other day.' Yes I did only buy this the other day, yes it is empty. So this candle has a very big favourite, It is also from Tesco. The reason it is empty so quickly is because it's in the scent Sweet Vanilla, which is Alex's favourite scent. Obviously for me this size candle isn't great but for most other people it would be great at an estimated 30 hour burn time.

Price- £2
Link- http://www.tesco.com/direct/tesco-sweet-vanilla-candle-in-a-jar/584-8446.prd?pageLevel=&skuId=584-8446

My next item is obviously a pair of shoes, this is something quite different for me. I'm more of a heel/boots person because I like feeling tall, it makes me feel better about myself.  However spring is coming and I wanted a cute pair of shoes that would be comfortable for those warm months. These little dollies are from Peacocks. I've never really shopped in Peacocks for myself and I was really Surprised at the quality considering everything is so cheap.

Price- £7
Link- Unfortunately I'm not able to get on the website to get the link but the name of the item is Shoe Bow Trim Basic Minni

This item is amazing, I never thought something of such a good price would be this good of a quality. This item was also from Peacocks. That's pretty much it haha.

Price- £8
Link- Viscose Print Vest

I forgot I had even ordered this top so when it came I was so happy because I had one more item than I'd remembered and that is a great feeling. This item is also from peacocks and it has a lovely satin feel to it and although I haven't worn it yet, I definitely think it's an item that can be dressed up and dressed down.

Price- £9.60
Link- Satin Printed Top

I've always had this theory that you shouldn't buy jewellery for yourself but I have changed my opinion completely and will be buying alooot more jewellery in the future, This little item is from Peacocks and I really love it.

Price- £3
Link- Simple Half Moon Necklace

This next item isn't very clear from the photos but it is a pair of cream/brown jeggings that zip at the side. These trousers are perfect! They are now one of my favourite items of clothing and I want more! I have a real issue with finding trousers and jeans that fit me as I have got hip but then I have very short skinny legs and a lot of the time I either end up with trousers too tight with baggy legs, to big round the waist and legs or perfect on the legs but I'm walking round pulling them up constantly. So putting these on and seeing and feeling what I did I felt amazing. Peacocks

Price- £12
Link- Side Zip Colour Jeggings

I'm not a very cardigan person, I'm much more of a jumper person but lately I've been feeling like jumpers cover up what you're actually wearing,  So I vow to wear more cardigans in spring so that I can show off my statement tops. This is from Peacocks.

Price- £10.00
Link- Feather Waffle Cardi

Okay guys so that's it for today. I'm actually going away for awhile. Don't worry, this will not effect you! Although my photo quality will not be as good as I will be using my phone. I've got some great post ideas cooking up and I can't wait to share them with you.
                                                                Bye for now. Kira xx

Get My Go-to Look!

Hi guys so today I'm going to show you how to achieve my current go-to look. My everyday make up look changes all the time but this is the look that I've been doing the last few weeks.


Step 1: So the first thing I do is prime my face with my W7 Prime Magic Camera Ready Primer and then put some Vaseline on my lips. I then move on to applying my concealer and foundation with my beauty blender. You can use what every products you usually use for this step but for those of you who would like to know what I'm using, for foundation I'm using Maybelline FIT in colour 115 ivory and for concealer I'm using W7 conceal me, not a massive fan of this concealer but it does its job so it'll do for now.

Step 2: I then go on to do my eye brows and contour. For my eyebrows; I firstly run an eyebrow brush through them and shape them how I want. I tend to focus on my eyebrows more when I've got my hair up as they're more noticeable. For my eyebrows I'm using Natural collection eye shadow in the colour mocha.


Step 3: I then go onto contouring my face and for that I am using Natural Collection bronzer in the colour Golden Glow. Not a massive fan of this bronzer for contouring in the winter as it is quite shimmery but this is all I've had for the past few weeks as I haven't had the chance to pick up my favourite bronzer which is the Benefit Cosmetics Hoola Contouring Bronzer. So I apply my bronzer under my cheek bones, on my jaw line, on my nose and on my forehead. I then blend everything in with my Rimmel Stay Matte Transparent Pressed Powder which I love. It feels very light weight on my face and it just gives a natural looking coverage.


Step 4: Next I go on to apply my eyeshadow, today I am using my Mini Technic Eye Shadow Pallet in the colour Ombre A Paupieres.

So first I take the lightest shade and sweep that across my eyelids. I then take the colour below that one and blend that from the outer corner of my eyelid into the middle. I then take the top middle colour and blend it out from the outer corner of my eyelid to down below my lower lash line. Finally I take the darkest brown on the pallet and blend that into the crease of my eyelid and carefully blend that out to achieve this look.

Step 5: I now apply my eyeliners. Firstly I apply a black pencil eyeliner, no fancy brand, any eyeliner will do and apply this on my top water line to make my eyelashes look darker. I then apply my NXY Jumbo Eye Pencil in 604 Milk to my lower water line to make my eyes look wider and more awake.

Step 6: I then go on to apply my mascara. The mascara I'm using for this look is W7 Big Lash Mascara in black. For a cheap mascara this is amazing, it makes my eyes look really big and my eyelashes look long and dark.

Step 7: For my final step I will be applying a lip product and the product I am using today is H&Ms

Matte Lip Pen in the colour peace and harmony. I have a love/hate relationship with this lip pen as sometimes it looks really good and other times it doesn't. The other fault with this product is that it breaks really easy, mine was actually broken when i opened it.

So that's it for this post, the final thing I did was spray my face with my Avon Make Up Setting Spray and then I was ready to go. Make sure to come back Wednesday for my next post

Kira xx